Mother’s Day without your Mum

mum and babies
26/03/2017

The Health Dispensary is all about health, happiness and “Feel Good Living”. However, there are times when these sentiments can feel a little raw.

Today is one of them. For those that are mums, grandmas, daughters and sons we wish you the best happiest and most uplifting day celebrating all that motherhood and nurture is about

For those without, we have to find different ways of traversing this day, whether we are separated from our mums by bereavement, distance, relationship breakdown, or illness.

As I’ve recently lost my mum, I asked our counsellor Chris some advice she could give and very quickly she responded that it’s about

“Honouring and gracing that connection”

The connection remains even when the physical being is no longer present. In terms of bereavement, I’m sure everyone is different and probably every loss is different. I try to solace myself in the fact that my mum had lived a full life, not snatched away as so tragically happened this week at Westminster.

In my “middle years” I have learnt that we can choose how we think, even if at times it’s “giving up” with the knowledge we can try again tomorrow after a good rest and a fresh look at things. If we can shift our mental perspective we can look for positive signs in the day that show our mum is still with us. We needn’t be religious or spiritual to view things this way rather its a type of mindfulness being aware of the magic that can happen in tiny things, the coincidences and synchronicities.

And it’s those tiny things that I really miss, not being together on Mother’s day (even Christmas was “got through”) – it’s the checking in with mum, the brief phone calls or visits (never one to chat needlessly she was always busy). It was a sense of security that now gone leaves one feeling adrift, like a lifeboat cut from its mother ship.

Yes I have my “blub-downs” but also feel you can absorb their strengths, so yesterday I cleaned to make our home more cared for and every time I felt sorry for myself I heard her saying “wake up your liver bile” or “work or starve”- it does help that most of her sayings were ridiculously funny, so they give you a humorous sense of purpose.

Other things that help are sharing stories with others or occasionally having a direct word – this may start with “Dear mum wherever you are……….” or “Today I could do with a little help……” Said out loud this can make an intention for the day and release pent up emotions.

We seem to have lost a lot of connection with rituals and nature. It might help to start a new ritual- it’s often easier to do something different than try to ignore what is missing. Perhaps we are able to find another mother figure to celebrate with whilst still honouring our own. Yesterday I had the unexpected pleasure of a baby lamb being put into my arms and the connection with that orphan enveloped me in the love of mother nature.

Today I will attempt to make Welsh Cakes! This could be a big ask as my mum’s were notorious and lovingly travelled with many family members and friends to universities and distant shores. As her recipe was a feeling rather than a written recipe I may struggle at first. However, I will try and in trying to find a way to replicate them, I will feel her love continues.

Categories: Mental Health